I Started Something I Couldn’t Finnish: An investigation into the pop charts of Finland
1. What Finland Plays (also What Does Finland Play?) was a Finnish record sales list compiled by various parties in 1951–1989. The What Finland Plays statistics have been published once a month since 1964, more irregularly and less frequently in the 1950s. Paavo Einiö started compiling the list as the monthly sales statistics of the Finnish Music Merchants’ Association after the magazine Iskelmä closed in 1967. From 1972 onwards, they compiled the chart based on sales from 30–40 shops in Finland.
2. The charts were initially monthly, being announced at the start of each month. From 1989 until 1993, the official list of Finland authorised by IFPI Finland (former Finnish Sound and Video Producers ÄKT) was compiled by Helsinki-based local radio station Radio Ykkönen. The list was published every other week. Becoming weekly in 1994.
3. The Beatles were massive, yeah? Well yes. But in Finland they only had №1s with Twist and Shout, All My Loving (for four months), A Hard Day’s Night, Rock and Roll Music and Yesterday. Of these, only A Hard Day’s Night was a №1 in the UK, the others weren’t released as actual singles (excluding EPs) during The Beatles’ lifetime.
4. Sonny & Cher’s Little Man held the top spot for five months(!)
5. Tunes that were №1 there but not here: Popcorn (for five months), Poppa Joe, Power To All Our Friends, Daddy Cool, Kids In America, Runaway Boys, Union Of The Snake, Self Control, Venus, Typical Male, Yeke Yeke, GOOD LIFE BY INNER CITY, Ring, Ring, Ring (Ha Ha Hey), Enter Sandman, Lithium, TRASH BY SUEDE and Alejandro.
6. One of the biggest Finnish stars, Fredi, once did a very unnerving cover version of Starman. His biggest hit was Puhu hiljaa rakkaudesta (Talk Quietly About Love). Perv.
7. For much of the 1970s, the charts were topped by Finnish acts. Some of the vast international hits barely got a look in.
8. Baccara spent a whole six months at the top: four with the imperial Yes Sir I Can Boogie, two with Darling (no, me neither). Imagine Halloween in 1977 hoping Yes Sir I Can Boogie will top the chart and then the street parties in May when Darling gets knocked off.
9. ABBA-wise, their №1s were Waterloo, Chiquitita, Gimme Gimme Gimme, The Day Before You Came and SUMMER NIGHT CITY.
10. Frankie Goes To Hollywood’s Relax was №1 twice. One in its original form, and again in the slightly shonky 1993 remix. I’m a man who can find something to love in every iteration of Relax, but that pushed it.
11. The Finnish weren’t having any truck with the futurists. The second half of 1981 saw three different Stars On 45 medleys, Japanese Boy and Dance Little Bird by Electronicas (or, basically, The Birdie Song) at the top. You’d be opening a vein.
12. At least Don’t You Want Me spent the whole of Huhtikuu (April) 1983 at the top.
13. I like David Bowie like any sane human should, but three months of Let’s Dance would get in my clack.
14. You’d think Madonna had conquered 1985. Oh no, the biggest act that year were Dingo with three №1s spending six months combined. They’re not very good. Madonna eventually got to №1 with Like A Prayer in 1989 and then Justify My Love the following year. Celebration, meanwhile, which NO ONE remembers, spent six weeks at №1 in 2009.
15. For a band that hymned about the Finland Station, Pet Shop Boys were reasonably successful. It’s A Sin spent three months atop the chart in 1987, and had subsequent №1s with Always On My Mind, Heart, So Hard and Go West.
16. The Prodigy were very popular. Not only №1 with Breathe (nine weeks), but also No Good, Poison, Voodoo People and Smack My Bitch Up. In fact dance turns did very well — Culture Beat, Capella, Jam & Spoon, Felix, U96, 2 Unlimited, Faithless all made hay while we laboured under oppressive regimes such as Love Is All Around and Everything I Do.
17. The Rock Arena is very well represented with multiple chart-toppers for Guns & Roses, AC/DC, ZZ Top, Metallica, Iron Maiden and then gets all Children of Bodom, HIM, The Rasmus, Lordi, Apulanta, Rammstein and Nightwish with a brief reprieve for Hanoi Rocks. Oh and the mighty Måneskin.
18. The Finnish equivalent of Eminem, a chap called Cheek, is enormously popular. As are the rap duo JVG.
Anyway that’s where we FINNISH with Finland. HAHAHA FINNISH. Oh suit yourselves.
